There are moments.

Fleeting, ephemeral moments that freeze the mind, stopping everything in its tracks in an instant.
Before, they were unclear things, causing tangents and diversions. Flashes of genius, of brilliance.
Now. Now they are instants of clarity. Slivers of the purest thought. A fraction of the immensity of eternity, caught in thoughts that are briefer than the time it takes for the neural impulse to travel across the cell.

Sometimes, its like being in a foggy room, when suddenly the sun shines in and the walls turn to glass. You can see everything, for a briefest instant, before you’re blinded by the sun’s brilliance.

Other times, its like walking in darkness, then seeing a pin-prick of light in the far distance, that grows slowly. It still blinds you, but only up close. Further away you get a bit used to it, you can use it to pick out details of your own mind.

Either way, these moments, they illuminate. They are flashes of enlightenment. They show you how you’re trapped. Trapped in your own mind, your own habits, your own life.

Seeing yourself illuminated so, it can be horrifying, nauseating or even cause despair. No one likes seeing their faults, their flaws and their shortcomings picked out by a spotlight that knows us so well.

I believe that many people, countless people, see this type of illumination at times of introspection. I’m sure that it causes despair, depression and troubles the mind of someone that sees themselves like this.

It’s what you choose to do after it that makes the difference.

Do you keep staring at the cracks, deeper into them, into your soul, widening the cracks, making things worse?
Do you choose to hide your cracks under a veneer or good works and desperate charity?
Do you choose to burn the Ego and the Id to nothing in the light of this illumination?

It’s when you see a path forward, lit by the light of your enlightenment that you truly stop looking.
And start see-ing.

You begin to learn to embrace your nature, good and bad. Faults and strengths. Flaws and perfections. You start to understand: You are at once alone and not alone. You lose the petty fears and worries. Or at least, they have less of a hold.

One must still live in the world, with pressures of money, home, work, love abounding.
How do you live with these, and still try to desperately hold onto the feeling of enlightenment?

I haven’t figured that out. I don’t know if I ever will.
I just follow the path, as best I can. When I need to; I stop. The path will become clear. When I need to go on. I go on.

There is a saying in Zen. “Chop wood, carry water.” The Zen monks used it to describe a life after enlightenment.

Ultimately, it comes down to choice. A choice no one else can make for you. A choice perhaps, no one else can understand.

People who have made their own choice can perhaps feel empathy of what may be happening, and compassion is a wonderful trait to cultivate, but at the end, only you can choose if you wish to follow the path you choose.

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4Ground Terrain: A Follow Up…

OK, follow up time for the 4Ground Gaming Terrain.
I forgot to take pics of building 2 of the others I had. (The complete ones, going to tackle the ruined ones later, as a reward for study!)
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Retrospective: On Determination…

So about 16 months ago, I’d hit a low point in my life at that point.
I’d been in a lull and introspective for so long, I’d finally snapped.
So, as I felt that most around me would either berate me or attempt to placate me, I wrote about how I was going to change things.

I’m feeling similar now, and a lot of what I’ve changed has come to pass.

But sitting down, and remembering I’d written something, and then re-reading it?
Its a short, powerful piece. I’m glad I wrote it. I’m even more glad that re-reading it now has given me renewed energy and determination.

I know people will damn me for it. They’ll take offence some how. Get defensive and say I’m being too aggressive.

Tough shit.
I’m too old for the bullshit reasons people give for the things they do.
Either do it and live with the consequences, or don’t do it and shut up.
If I’m not allowed to complain, why should you? Why are you special? What makes you different? What makes you more than me?

If someone needs me? I’ll be over here, doing my own thing, in my own way, trying to live my life and not deliberately harm people. Unless someone tries to interfere.

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Review: 4Ground Pre-painted, Laser cut, Gaming Terrain.

First off; The product I’m reviewing I purchased myself, so I didn’t get a freebie or anything else.
Second, blame Wee Ivor and the lads over at Wee Gamers for this. :P
Thirdly; I’ve no WIP pics, as I didn’t think to use them. When I get my next batch in, I’ll start taking them.
But to be fair, the pics up at 4Ground will do better justice than I would. Realistically though, you need to see these things in the flesh!

Now to business. At Warpcon 23; (Review due: Soon TM); I picked up 1 Right hand side non-ruined, a middle ruined and left hand ruined buildings in 28mm scale from 4Ground, a UK based gaming terrain manufacturer.
They also have 15mm and cover periods from Ancient era, right through to WW2.

These are all pre-painted, requiring assembly and gluing to build. The level of skill required is about the same as a moderate 40K Kit, possibly less, depending on your manually dexterity.
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Uncertainty, and how it can show us what is really going on.

So, recently there has come into being a LOT of uncertainty in professional circles. I’m being a bit more circumspect than normal, as frankly, its:

  • internal;
  • speculation;
  • may not actually happen;

Basically this uncertainty had led me to make a post on the book of the face expressing the worry I was feeling at the time. (Don’t get me wrong. I’m still feeling it, its… eased, somewhat, but it is still there.)

This brought messages from people. Messages that were either curious or they were supportive.

Goes to show, you can find your friends and your gossips in one fell swoop…


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Radio Silence

So I’ve had a couple of weeks of radio silence. Purely down to being super busy at work and being sick at the same time.
Couple that with a couple of platefuls of home busy stuff, left very little time for anything. Let alone blogging.
Needless to say, normal service will be resumed shortly.

Thanks for your patience. :)

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Oh the inevitable philosophy of Monday mornings

We really are at our most philosophical on Monday mornings.
Usually on the throne, too…

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Oh Sweet {$deity}; Or Paul will have some hangover in the morning…

So back from Paul Lynch’s birthday get together, where his girlfriend Grace issued a challenge. Get him drunk.


Challenge. Accepted.

Without resorting to cocktails and concoctions, his head was heavy and swinging at closing time.

Here’s the thing folks. Don’t challenge a barperson of any experience. It always ends 1 to nothing in their favour…

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Drinking with Friends. Or Concentrated Awesome

Ok, so random drinks for Paul Lynch’s (A Compendium of Stuff) birthday.
Line of the night so far has been from my friend, Eldon.
“Debauchery isn’t a bad thing. It’s just self discovery. With other people.”

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Retro-perspective: On Gaming:

Originally posted way back in April of 2008, this post laid out what I thought of the Wii, the state of gaming and the shape of things to come. Its hard as a writer to re-post stuff without resisting the urge to ‘tweak’ it with what I’ve learned since, but I think some ideas aren’t far off in the last 4 years.

So, read, enjoy, and for the first time in 4 years, comment!

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